Aargh

Aargh... Allaahumma...

it's already a month since i feel very-very "motivated".. or maybe i could call it obsessive? or maybe too obsessive,? I'm working hard just like crazy, learning hard, do business hard. Or maybe i can say :: TOO HARD. Blatantly, overreaching myself... working like there's no tomorrow, ...

Dreams. My dreams. Those are the fuel of my craziness. I really push myself far away to catch my own dreams. Dreams about this, that, ... dreams about these, those, ... dreams about make him happy, make her happy, make them happy, and of course make myself happy.

But today suddenly i feel so weak.. it feels like i'm playing with my own heart, my own life... I apparently catching up for, moving towards something, .... but in the fact is that those **dreams** of mine are already destined, even far before I born...

I think that if I overdo myself i could make my dreams nearer and faster to becoming reality. But today, I think clearly that it doesn't seem so.... the fact is even i work extremely hard the time will run in regular speed, even if i work overdoing myself ....

Huft... it seems that i have to slow down a bit... i have to give myself a break, to rest, to cheer up again.... 'cause in fact i'm not only become tired, i feel a bit depressed to catch up with my own dangling minds @_@,..

am i really should slow down a bit?

but i'm always afraid that if i don't work at full speed, all my dreams can't be reached, my dreams will just only be dreams....

I don't wanna make myself dissappointed by losing my precious dreams, by not make those dreams become reality,... or dissappointed by losing one of my most precious dream, taken away by someone else just beacuse i'm too slow...

if that happened, i'll FULLY regret and blame myself.. it happened to me, just because i let myself relaxed for a bit @_@

= = = = =
it's only for a single dream,
how about failing some other dreams?
= = = = =

aah... banyak berharap (pada makhlukNya) memang membuat takut kecewa... tapi jika makhluk-makhluknya banyak berharap pada kita, kita yang takut membuat kecewa... padahal aku tak ingin kecewa, juga tak ingin mengecewakan...

aaah... Yaa Rabbii... I REALLY wanna make myself happy, make him happy, make her, make them, make us, ... wa laa kin yaa Rabbii... Allaahumma... help me to achieve all my dreams, wa baarik lii fiih.... yaa Allah, kuatkan , mudahkan, berkahi semua langkahku dalam menggapai semua cita-ci(n)taku....

I keep a promise to myself :: to be a better man.
Taqwa. Honest. Brave. Gentle. Responsible. Dependable.
Strong. Tough. Protecting. Caring. Loving. Hard working.
Even if it means overreaching myself, I wanna try to work harder.

GIVING ALL MY BEST, TO PURSUE ALL MY DREAMS!
Tak ingin kecewa, tak ingin mengecewakan...